She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Damn victory sex feels great
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
