dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
