i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
