He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
