he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize