I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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