When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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