The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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