Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
