Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
