but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
