What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
