my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
