and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know her cup size but not her name....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
