I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
