Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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