I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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