matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
