Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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