Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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