***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize