Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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