The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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