when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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