Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
