we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I enjoy the company of your penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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