Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
