her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
