i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
