You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
