Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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