I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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