it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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