Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
