My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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