well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
