omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
