this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
