This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
