ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
