he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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