both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
