I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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