dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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