it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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