Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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