..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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