im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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