eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
