he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
