I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
