I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
