you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
