just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
