I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
