At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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