I heard we made out
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
