i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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