No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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