can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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