If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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