my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
