upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
